There Are Two Kinds of Adults

The first kind is still relating to the world through permission structures.

Looking for validation. Avoiding criticism. Seeking agreement. Explaining their decisions and positions before anyone asks. Treating their complaints like coupons with real redemption value.

They're not immature. They're running a system that made perfect sense when they were young, in a family, in a classroom, and in an early career where there was an authority figure to sign off and cheerlead.

They just didn't update it.

The second kind engages reality directly. No intermediary. No appeal to an authority structure that may or may not care.

They take responsibility for how things are instead of explaining why things are that way. They use their values to guide decisions instead of waiting to see what gets praised. They let results speak instead of managing impressions.

They don't see any excuse or buffer between themselves and their reality.

Here's what makes this hard for leaders:

Both types can look identical in a low-stakes environment. When there's enough time and margin, the permission-based player can manage impressions well enough to look like the outcomes-based one.

You don't see the difference until the stakes are real and the path isn't clear.

That's when one person asks: what needs to happen?

And the other asks: what am I supposed to do?

The gap between those two questions is where team performance actually lives.

I work with groups of 7–12 CEOs, founders and owners on exactly this kind of gap. Let me know if you're curious.